Myrtle: On Cats and Neighbors

I was threatened this morning, I mean persuaded, to let Myrtle write my entry for today. She’s in a mood so I’m not sure how this is going to go. Again, the threats continue. So without further delay, here’s Myrtle.


It’s about time that jackass got out of my way and let me at this keyboard. I’ve got stuff I need to get off my chest. First of all, my neighbor from hell, Willard Harvey, was doing his best last night to ruin my evening. I was sitting on the front porch in my rocking chair enjoying a nice chew of tobacco when Butt Hat Harvey came out on his front porch and decided to stand there and stare at me. Well, I tried to ignore him but it was just impossible. I finally gave him the one finger salute. Believe it or not, that did it. I heard an audible gasp, he then turned and went back inside. You’d think when it’s a nice, cool 65 degrees outside a woman could have her private time on the porch.

calico-catTom and Jerry are my calico cats. Tom is male and Jerry is female. They’re brother and sister. A friend gave them to me when they were kittens. I really love their orange, white, and black patches. Emma, my friend from church, told me that male calicos are rare. She said I could sell Tom for a pretty penny if I wanted to. I told her I would rather sell Nora, my daughter. I’m guess she would sell for quite a bit less. There’s a whole lot of upkeep that goes with that girl. Well hell’s bells, somebody’s at the door. If it’s another one of them Jehovah’s Witness people I’m gonna show ‘em how a good ole Baptist woman can punch. I’ll knock the witness plumb out of them. Interrupting an old woman in the early morning, they should be ashamed. I’ll be back.


That man, Willard Harvey, just came knocking on my door and interrupted my blogging’. By the time I got back to my seat my cigarette was almost gone. I hate wasting a good cigarette. To beat all he just wanted to tell me I needed to cut my grass. I guess you can imagine what I did. First of all I gave him the one finger salute, that’s twice in 24 hours. I then informed him he was trespassing and I would stick a knife in him and walk all the way around his sorry backside the next time he set foot on my property. I also told him where he could stick that long grass in my yard. I doubt he’ll be bothering me again today. Nora was going to have one of the neighbor kids cut that grass tomorrow but I think I’ll tell her to wait a week or so. Maybe I can cause ole Willard to stroke out or something.

Until the next time, keep your powder dry and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. I guess that kind of leaves things wide open.


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